I'm off for three whole days of relaxation! Yeah!! I'm going to spend the 4th of July weekend with Angela and her family at a lake in Illinois. Hopefully I'll be nice and tan when I come back.
As most of you know, it was last year on the 4th of July that Joe decided being married to me wasn't his favorite plan. I've been struggling a little bit lately with memories of that day, but tomorrow I plan on relaxing and having fun and not even thinking about what I was doing a year ago. Joe and I were supposed to go to the lake with Angela and Kyle last year and obviously that didn't work out. So, I'm very proud of myself for being able to pack my bag and make the trip this year without getting too caught up in the bad memories of last year.
Getting divorced was horrible, but I do have to say that out of that bad situation have come many amazing blessings and now that I'm at the one year anniversary it feels like a good time to reflect on them.
First of all, my friends and family are a huge blessing. Probably the biggest gift God has given me. I've never felt closer to my friends than I have in the past year and I'm so appreciative that every single one of them was there for me in one way or another. I feel like I've made a ton of progress over the year, but at the beginning I'm sure it was tough for them to take all of the crying and the sadness. And I really appreciate everyone who listened and helped me through the tough parts.
Another blessing that I never expected is that I overcame my fear that I could never be alone and that I wasn't a fun person. Now I actually enjoy living by myself and spending time by myself. I don't constantly need someone and I was surprised at how quickly I was able to realize it. When I was going through counseling at the beginning of all this, my counselor asked me what my hobbies and interests were. I'm actually embarrassed to say that I didn't have an answer for him. I couldn't remember anything I enjoyed doing besides hanging out with my friends and doing stuff with Joe. Weird. What happened to me?? No wonder I was miserable. I think because Joe didn't really enjoy a lot of the things I enjoyed, I had given them up and become some other version of myself. Now I'm back to who I really am and it feels so much better and so much easier. And as far as living alone goes, I have two roomates right now and it was not an easy adjustment for me to give up all of that alone time. I NEVER dreamed I would ever get to the point where I would be so happy to spend time by myself. Now that's progress.
I'm not gonna give too many details about Matt because I don't want to embarrass him, but I have had so much fun with him this year. It's cool to meet a guy who naturally enjoy doing the things I enjoy and who's life doesn't always have to be a big party or so dramatic all the time. He's such a hard worker and he takes so much pride in everything he does and that has kind of rubbed off on me a little. I completely appreciate that about him.
I have found myself really reflecting on how I felt when Joe left and really feeling the sadness all over again lately. I've tried not to do it, but it sneaks up on me sometimes. I always try to remind myself that I am probably one of the luckiest people in the world. I have amazing friends and family, a great guy to spend time with, deep faith in Jesus Christ, a beautiful home, a great job, and so many wonderful things to look forward to. There are probably a million other blessings I could list, but I'll save those for another day. God has been good to me and true to his word that he makes all things work for good for those who have faith in Him.
Last year the 4th of July might not have gone as I planned, but God has provided so many better things than what I had before and so I'm thankful even for the tough times.
Have a wonderful 4th of July weekend! I know I will.
Today's Song of the Day
The Heart of Life
John Mayer
"You know it's nothing new. Bad news never had good timing. But then the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining. Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around. No, it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good." - john mayer
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