I'm back... officially.

I should share the good news... I'm officially back to being my pre-South Africa self (hopefully an improved version even)! It took a little while for me to shake the "I miss South Africa" blues. Going back to work was tough!! About a week ago, a good (and very brutally honest) friend pointed out to me that I do not have a single thing to be miserable about and while I was gone my friends and family really missed me and it was not cool of me to come back and be down and out. I agree with her. Sometimes it just takes a little tough love to shake me back into reality I guess:) Thankfully, I can always count on Renee to call like she she sees it.

Song of the Day

God Rests in Reason
Jason Mraz

This is a beautiful song. It's kind of deep and you have to listen closely because he says a lot in the lyrics. It's definitely worth a listen. I don't think this is one of his most well known songs, but you can find it on iTunes.

Here's my favorite part...
Think not you can direct the course of Love
itself directs the course allowed
Believe not god is in your heart, child
But rather you're in the heart of god

How cute are these guys??

Every kid at The Pines is absolutely adorable! South African children are certainly blessed with cuteness if nothing else:) I just had to share some of these photos. I have over 3500 photos (thanks to a whole team of camera junkies) and I've slowly been digging through them all. These were just a few of my favorite ones of some of the kids. It took awhile to memorize all of their names because there were so many children and their names are so unusual (for an American to remember anyway). I'm proud to be able to tell you that the top photo is Rafiloe, Nontembisa, and Gladys. The middle picture is Nobisa, and the bottom photo is me and Laratto. I can't promise that I spelled them all correctly, but I'm happy that I was able to learn all of their names!

Still Getting Back to "Normal"

Getting back to normal has not been as easy as I hoped it would be. I've been feeling very rundown and tired lately. A headache and a sore throat seem to be lingering since I got back. I haven't been getting great sleep lately either thanks to a constant stream of South Africa dreams. None of the dreams are scary or anything, just dreams about being at The Pines or dreams about the Niehoff's, the O'Tool's or the kids. On one hand, it's wonderful that I get to keep seeing them in my dreams, but on the other hand it's making it very difficult for me to get back to my regular life. I keep wondering what they're all up to and thinking about my time there and what I would be doing if I were still there. Before we left, we were warned that a piece of our heart would always stay in South Africa and I can see the truth in that now. I'm starting to think a part of my mind stayed there too:)

I still haven't figured out what God wants me to do next. I miss the feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment that I had in South Africa. I miss it so much. I'd do anything to get it back. Coming back to work has been the toughest. But I keep plugging away and trying to do my best. I'm blessed with a wonderful job that provides me a life far greater than I need or probably deserve. If nothing else, out of appreciation, I want to do the best I can everyday.

It's important for me to keep in mind that while I might not think that I'm doing anything extraordinary here, just by living the life God gave me and doing the best I can, I might be doing all that He intended for me to do at this point. Until the next opportunity arises, I'll just keep going.

Today's Song of the Day

There's Hope
India Arie

Song of the Day

Time in Between
Francesca Battistelli

"But it’s the time in between
That brings me to my knees
Knowing you came for me
And all that I can't be I'm amazed, so amazed
And I thank You for the time in between
Don't take much for this crazy world To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul Says You’re holding out on me
So I stand here lifting empty hands
For you to fill me up again"

Song of the Day

Today's Song of the Day:

Crazy (Acoustic Version)
Seal

Before I went on my trip, I was searching around on iTunes for acoustic versions of songs that I like. This one is a great one! It's not 100% acoustic because about a minute and half into the song it gets a little techno beat. But, it's a pretty cool song. I listened to it on the airplane about 25 times. Now it's got special meaning because it reminds me of my trip.

Back to Real Life

I've officially been back since Sunday afternoon at 4. Nothing has really changed. I still have the same job, the same family, the same friends, the same house, the same everything. But, something feels a little different. I can't exactly put my finger on it and that's been a little frustrating. I want to share my trip and my experiences with everyone, but I find myself having a hard time putting it into words in a way that can fully explain it. I had such a wonderful, yet(apparently) unexplainable time in South Africa and I'm disappointed that I can't express it correctly to people. People ask me if I had a good time and I say "yes" and they ask if I would go again and I say "absolutely". And in some instances, I leave it at that. Because there's not really a short way of saying what it truly meant to me. I almost find myself guarding some of the stories about the kids or conversations we had amongst ourselves because I don't want people who can never understand the full picture to take small parts of what I tell them and draw conclusions that don't fully represent how things really were there. I'm not sure if that will make sense to anyone but me:) I also find myself struggling with the fact that I'm proud of my faith and I'm proud that I spent a week serving God and learning more about Him and I loved being surrounded by other Christians for two whole weeks, but I don't want people to think that somehow I'm a completely different person that I was before. In some ways I do feel a little different. I have more of an understanding of God's power. I see how life can be if you follow the directions God gives in the bible. I've seen and felt the rewards of living that kind of life 24/7. But that doesn't mean that I'm a crazy-holy-roller-judgemental-weird-bible girl now. I wasn't perfect before and I'm still not. I would never expect anyone else to be either. If anything I'm less judgemental now because I recognize my own shortcomings and the fact that we're all a work in progress.

Just like everyone else, my life is a constant evolution. My trip to South Africa gave me a lot of insight into how other people live and how blessed I am to be an American citizen and a follower of Jesus Christ. What I'm trying to sort out now is what do I do next? I'll keep you posted.

Just a few more days

I spent pretty much all day today painting. I'm exhausted. I started this morning around 8:30 and now it's 11:30pm. I worked on our team mural in the hallway leading into the kids activity room and I also spent a lot of time painting 3 year old Meredith's new bedroom two shades of pink. Meredith is Amber and Louis's daughter. She's adorable. Hilarious really. Everything she says is "you must do this" or "you must not do this". She spends quite a bit of time in time out if you can't tell. One of her other funny things is that she starts and ends a request with please. For instance, "Please Jamey can I have some more of that please". I guess she thinks if she doubles up on the pleases she might be more likely to get what she wants. I don't know, it works on me:)

Tomorrow is our last day here. We have quite a bit to finish up on the project we've started and our goal is to be done by 230 when the kids get home from school. It's a big goal. We've still got a lot to do on finishing the addition to the O'Tools flat. I'm sure we'll get it done though. We're a pretty hardworking team. Tomorrow night we're hosting a pizza party for everyone and that should be a lot of fun. We'll probably take a gazillion photos too. I think collectively we already have over 1000 and they're mostly all saved on my computer, so get ready for the hour long slideshow. I promise I'll try not to bore you guys too much:) By reading the blogs, you already know most of what I would tell you anyway. This way you'll get to see what it all really looks like.

Well, I'll be home in just a couple of days. I can't wait to see you all. And I can't wait to work out. I feel like I've gained a hundred pounds. That was so not my plan by the way. I was supposed to be going the other direction. Oh well, what are you gonna do? I can definitely say that I don't plan to pick up a paint brush for awhile. Thank goodness we got Matt's house painted before I left. I'm all painted out.

I might not get a chance to write again until I back. So just in case I don't, thanks to everyone who's been following along on this journey. It's certainly been the experience of a lifetime and I appreciate all of your support. I couldn't have made it through these two weeks here without your emails and your prayers. I look forward to seeing each and everyone of you very soon after I get back. Especially you Matt:)

Love,

Jamey

So Much to Think About

There are so many thoughts, questions, concerns, and more going through my head tonight that it's tough to get it all out on "paper" in an organized fashion. So bear with me here.

First of all, I had an amazing day today. I was one of three team members who designed and painted a playroom at the public hospital (ie poor people's hospital) and I'm so proud of the work we did. It turned out absolutely beautiful and the nurses and the children were stunned and so appreciative. They loved it!

I'm so overflowing with gratitude right now that I can barely get through this without crying. I feel so blessed to be here and to be having these experiences. So blessed to be able to witness the worst of circumstances, but the best of people. I'm so thankful to have the time and the resources to lend a helping a hand. I feel like I'm gaining so much more than I'm giving. That's a feeling that can be hard to come by sometimes. (Especially as a professional salesperson.) Seeing how the people live here and how I live back home makes me unbelievably thankful. At the same time I feel ashamed for how I've managed all that God has given me. I haven't given nearly as much as I could and there are so many better ways that I could be investing God's resources that I have been. I've learned many lessons here.

I wrote earlier this week that while I like it here, I haven't decided to pack up and live here. I still haven't decided to live here, but I wish I could have a little more time here. I really enjoy the slower pace of life. I haven't really missed my phone, or my Tivo, or the news, or any of the other things that I've been semi-addicted to at home. Here it's so much easier to live life God's way and it's a really great feeling going to bed at night feeling like you've really accomplished something to be proud of. I'm really starting to worry about readjusting to my American life and how will I be different than I was when I got on the plane two weeks ago. I won't really know until I get back and comprehend all that I've seen and done and spend time back in my regular life. I suppose it's not really worth worrying over. All will work out in the end according to God's calling for my life as long as I listen to what he's whispering to me.

I wish you could all experience this with me. I'm excited to show you the photos and tell you all about it, but it will never quite live up to seeing it in person. I would really encourage everyone to step out of their comfort zone and do something that you've always wanted to do. Something that will make you proud and something you think God might have in mind for you. I promise that you won't be disappointed. We only get one life. One chance to do all that we dream of doing. Don't waste your chance here on earth to make a difference. God created us to praise him, to love him, and to love one another. I can testify that when you're doing those things, a feeling that is indescribable comes over you and you want to do all you can to keep it going.

That's what I'm really working on now... how will I keep this going?

It's Serious

We've had a lot of fun on this trip. We've laughed and joked a lot and had so much fun with the kids. But there are some very serious problems here in South Africa and last Saturday we saw them firsthand, up close and in person. We took a trip to the cemetary and we visited some local villages and the dump.

The top photo above is a picture of the dump. People live there. It absolutely the most horrific thing I can imagine seeing (other than maybe war). You can't see any people in the photo, but at times there are children sitting amongst the garbage and the fires and some of them do not have any parents or family. The people there sort through all the trash saving the plastic they find and selling it to the recyclers for money. They eat the edible garbage they find and they feed it to their children. If you bring water, food, or money and give it to the children, the adults will steal it. If you are a child there, you probably have only a very small chance of surviving unless you are rescued by a social worker and even then it's not guaranteed. Half of the adults here in Welkom have HIV, that means roughly half of the children if not more, do too. It's horrible. The adults are dying by the dozens every day and leaving the children with no parents, no home, no food. And many of the children are very sick as well. Once their parents die, they are often passed off to another family member who may also be ill or very likely to abuse them. It's such a sad situation. I was very disturbed by what I saw at the dump and it was difficult to comprehend how people could live that way. I'm having a very tough time understanding why so many people here live in such poverty while in America we are throwing food away left and right and wasting so much money on things that are not necessary. I know the world is always going to have poor people and I can't stop the spread of HIV here, but I really wish there was a solution to these problems. It's so unfair to the children.

When I get home, I'll tell you about some of the children here and their backstory. When I show you their current photographs you won't believe it's the same child. The Niehoff's and the O'Tools have used their service to God to provide these children with childhoods grander than they could have ever imagined. It's pretty amazing stuff. I'm definitly inspired.

The Gold Mine

First of all, let me tell you about the gold mine. It was AWFUL!!! I have never been so scared in my entire life and that is NOT an exaggeration. It was terrifying. First we had to go down a mile and a half in an elevator. Yes, your ears pop. On the way down we were in the elevator with just our group. On the way out, we were packed like sardines in there with 20 miners. None of them spoke english, but we kept hearing them say "Americans" and laughing a bit of an evil sounding laugh. It was a little creepy and it's pitch black. I latched on to Bart's shirt in front of me. I would have been horrified to have been in there by myself. Anyway... it's also pitch black down in the mine. We had these little lamps on our helmets, but if we turned them off, you couldn't even see your hand in front of your face. We walked about 2 miles underground in these tunnels that had already been mined out. A good majority of it is held up by criss-crossed rows of lumber. I'm sure it's fairly safe because hundreds of men have been working down there for years and years and it's never collapsed on them, but I was terrified. Another interesting thing, there are trains under there that carry materials around and when one comes by you have to suck yourself up against a wall until it passes. Seriously. Next came the really horrible part, we had to climb up a pile of rubble to get to the "face" of the mine where they were actually digging and looking for gold. I never actually got all the way up because halfway there I couldn't believe we were actually allowed in there that's how harsh and dangerous it was. It was SUPER SUPER hot and humid and treacherous climbing. Every step up you took, rubble fell down. I was 75% convinced the place was going to collapse. I'm gonna confess it here... I didn't have a meltdown, but I was totally shaking and I had a few tears. It was really the scariest experience of my life. I might never buy gold again. I felt a little embarrassed that I was so scared and no one else seemed to be all that concerned about the danger level, but then I reminded myself that I was scared when we were in the elevator, so the fact that I sucked it up and made it only a few feet away from the face of the mine and all the way back out was a VERY impressive thing. I went WAAAAYYYY past my comfort zone limit. And I'm happy to say that I never plan to visit a gold mine again. Been there, done that. Doubt many other people ever will. Check out the bottom photo... It shows exactly how I was feeling. It's funny now, not so funny at the time. Time plus tragedy equals comedy, right?

Thoughts from Today

We worked all day today on painting one of the boys' flats and a bathroom/laundry room that got remodeled yesterday. Tomorrow morning we're going on the mine tour at 6am and then we're going to the dump and to a couple places in town. It should be a very interesting day.

It's almost 8pm here now and we just finished dinner. We had hot dogs (they're called Russians here... weird) and baked beans and jello. I'm afraid that my plan to lose 5 lbs is not gonna happen. We've been making way too much good food. Tomorrow night we're making some kind of South African stew called something that starts with a "p". We're going to eat with the kids so that should be fun.

Just in case you were wondering, I haven't decided to give up life in the States to move here yet. But I will say that it's inspiring to see Brian and Lois and Amber and Louis (people my age who run this place) living out their dream of serving God and they're so happy doing it that they feel like they've given up nothing and are in fact cheating the system by not having to go sit behind a desk every day. Kinda makes you want to find your true purpose and passion in life for doing what God has always planned for you. The most amazing thing is that they trust God 100% all the time and I am not kidding you when I tell you he has given them absolutely everything they could ever need here. It's unbelievable!! They are so far removed from the United States and a lot of the conveniences we have there, yet somehow they've managed to acquire everything they need and it feels like a mini-US inside these gates.

I've really been thinking a lot today about something Brian said to us this morning which was "You should never be thinking about how much (time/money/ect) you should give to God because God has given us absolutely everything. What you should really be thinking is how much of all this should I be keeping for myself? Everything already belongs to God." That statement really changes my perspective on a lot of things.

I've really been missing you all today. It seems like it's been forever since I saw you and it seems like I have a long way to go til I'll see you again. I'm sure the time will start to fly now that we just have one week left until we start heading home again.

Thanks for all of emails and prayers. They make my day. I can't wait to check my email and get notes from home. Keep them coming! I still have a week to go! I miss you... I miss you... I miss you!!!

Getting to know the kids

I spent almost my whole day today playing with the kids and getting to know them. They are absolutely awesome kids! You can see how much each of them appreciate being here in this safe, clean place. I don't know all of their stories, but the ones I do know are absolutely devastating. So many of the children here know more and have seen more death in their short little lives than any of us could imagine in a whole lifetime. But you would be so amazed at how happy and resilient they are! I have the coolest video in the world of a couple of the girls singing a South African praise song and another of two little girls singing "Jesus Loves Me". They can't get enough of seeing themselves on our cameras and in videos. They'll sing, dance, jump up and down... you name it, they'll do it to get on camera. It's hilarious!

I was a little disappointed this morning when we divided up the work plans and I wasn't going to be doing any physical labor. But as soon as I started playing with the kids, I was no longer disappointed at all. They were so much fun and so happy to have more American friends. They love it when teams come in and work for a couple of weeks so they have more people to play with them. We played tag, we played basketball, baseball, jumped on the trampoline, swam in the pool, played UNO, put together puzzles, and the list could go on and on. So even though I wasn't tearing down walls, tacking down carpet, or any other hard labor, I am exhausted tonight! No wonder kids sleep so well, being a kid is tiring!

That has been today's greatest gift... getting to be a kid again.

"Today is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Today is the day the Lord has made and I won't worry about tomorrow, I'm living for today. This is the day!"

-Lincoln Brewster (Today is the Day)

We made it safely!

Thanks to everyone who was praying for our safe arrival... we FINALLY arrived at The Pines today. We had a quick lunch, got showers (after 48 hours without one), and played with the kids in the swimming pool. After that, we got a tour of the facility and sat down with Brian and Louis (who run The Pines along with their wives) to talk about our itinerary and the work we'll be doing while we're here. It sounds like we'll have plenty to keep us busy with lots of construction on an addition to one of the apartments, plus painting, building a fence outside to keep the toddler's in, and much more. We're also planning to visit Camp 7 (the squatter's camp) down the road and visit the hospital as well. The children are on spring break this week, so we're lucky that we'll get to spend extra time with them. They are all such cool kids! After we got here today, they put on a little show for us (that they organized themselves) and sang "You Raise Me Up" and some of their South African songs. I wish I would have gotten it on video, it was very cool! There's probably much more I could write, but I'm going on very little sleep and to be honest I'm incredibly overwhelmed and not sure what to make of things quite yet.

I miss you all terribly and while I'm happy to be here and excited to see what God has in store for me, I wish you could all be here with me. Being 8000 miles away sure makes you appreciate the people you love.

PS... for the person who asked about the time difference - It's 7 hours later here than in Iowa. Right now it's 2:30 in Iowa and 9:30pm here. Everyone is getting ready for bed while you're all still at work. Weird, I know.

xoxo

Song of the Day

Today is the Day
Lincoln Brewster