I'm back... officially.

I should share the good news... I'm officially back to being my pre-South Africa self (hopefully an improved version even)! It took a little while for me to shake the "I miss South Africa" blues. Going back to work was tough!! About a week ago, a good (and very brutally honest) friend pointed out to me that I do not have a single thing to be miserable about and while I was gone my friends and family really missed me and it was not cool of me to come back and be down and out. I agree with her. Sometimes it just takes a little tough love to shake me back into reality I guess:) Thankfully, I can always count on Renee to call like she she sees it.

Song of the Day

God Rests in Reason
Jason Mraz

This is a beautiful song. It's kind of deep and you have to listen closely because he says a lot in the lyrics. It's definitely worth a listen. I don't think this is one of his most well known songs, but you can find it on iTunes.

Here's my favorite part...
Think not you can direct the course of Love
itself directs the course allowed
Believe not god is in your heart, child
But rather you're in the heart of god

How cute are these guys??

Every kid at The Pines is absolutely adorable! South African children are certainly blessed with cuteness if nothing else:) I just had to share some of these photos. I have over 3500 photos (thanks to a whole team of camera junkies) and I've slowly been digging through them all. These were just a few of my favorite ones of some of the kids. It took awhile to memorize all of their names because there were so many children and their names are so unusual (for an American to remember anyway). I'm proud to be able to tell you that the top photo is Rafiloe, Nontembisa, and Gladys. The middle picture is Nobisa, and the bottom photo is me and Laratto. I can't promise that I spelled them all correctly, but I'm happy that I was able to learn all of their names!

Still Getting Back to "Normal"

Getting back to normal has not been as easy as I hoped it would be. I've been feeling very rundown and tired lately. A headache and a sore throat seem to be lingering since I got back. I haven't been getting great sleep lately either thanks to a constant stream of South Africa dreams. None of the dreams are scary or anything, just dreams about being at The Pines or dreams about the Niehoff's, the O'Tool's or the kids. On one hand, it's wonderful that I get to keep seeing them in my dreams, but on the other hand it's making it very difficult for me to get back to my regular life. I keep wondering what they're all up to and thinking about my time there and what I would be doing if I were still there. Before we left, we were warned that a piece of our heart would always stay in South Africa and I can see the truth in that now. I'm starting to think a part of my mind stayed there too:)

I still haven't figured out what God wants me to do next. I miss the feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment that I had in South Africa. I miss it so much. I'd do anything to get it back. Coming back to work has been the toughest. But I keep plugging away and trying to do my best. I'm blessed with a wonderful job that provides me a life far greater than I need or probably deserve. If nothing else, out of appreciation, I want to do the best I can everyday.

It's important for me to keep in mind that while I might not think that I'm doing anything extraordinary here, just by living the life God gave me and doing the best I can, I might be doing all that He intended for me to do at this point. Until the next opportunity arises, I'll just keep going.

Today's Song of the Day

There's Hope
India Arie

Song of the Day

Time in Between
Francesca Battistelli

"But it’s the time in between
That brings me to my knees
Knowing you came for me
And all that I can't be I'm amazed, so amazed
And I thank You for the time in between
Don't take much for this crazy world To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul Says You’re holding out on me
So I stand here lifting empty hands
For you to fill me up again"

Song of the Day

Today's Song of the Day:

Crazy (Acoustic Version)
Seal

Before I went on my trip, I was searching around on iTunes for acoustic versions of songs that I like. This one is a great one! It's not 100% acoustic because about a minute and half into the song it gets a little techno beat. But, it's a pretty cool song. I listened to it on the airplane about 25 times. Now it's got special meaning because it reminds me of my trip.

Back to Real Life

I've officially been back since Sunday afternoon at 4. Nothing has really changed. I still have the same job, the same family, the same friends, the same house, the same everything. But, something feels a little different. I can't exactly put my finger on it and that's been a little frustrating. I want to share my trip and my experiences with everyone, but I find myself having a hard time putting it into words in a way that can fully explain it. I had such a wonderful, yet(apparently) unexplainable time in South Africa and I'm disappointed that I can't express it correctly to people. People ask me if I had a good time and I say "yes" and they ask if I would go again and I say "absolutely". And in some instances, I leave it at that. Because there's not really a short way of saying what it truly meant to me. I almost find myself guarding some of the stories about the kids or conversations we had amongst ourselves because I don't want people who can never understand the full picture to take small parts of what I tell them and draw conclusions that don't fully represent how things really were there. I'm not sure if that will make sense to anyone but me:) I also find myself struggling with the fact that I'm proud of my faith and I'm proud that I spent a week serving God and learning more about Him and I loved being surrounded by other Christians for two whole weeks, but I don't want people to think that somehow I'm a completely different person that I was before. In some ways I do feel a little different. I have more of an understanding of God's power. I see how life can be if you follow the directions God gives in the bible. I've seen and felt the rewards of living that kind of life 24/7. But that doesn't mean that I'm a crazy-holy-roller-judgemental-weird-bible girl now. I wasn't perfect before and I'm still not. I would never expect anyone else to be either. If anything I'm less judgemental now because I recognize my own shortcomings and the fact that we're all a work in progress.

Just like everyone else, my life is a constant evolution. My trip to South Africa gave me a lot of insight into how other people live and how blessed I am to be an American citizen and a follower of Jesus Christ. What I'm trying to sort out now is what do I do next? I'll keep you posted.